Boom!

Have you ever believed in something so much that despite all the pain that you're going through, you're still holding on? Holding on to all the promises, the dreams, the feelings. Only to have them all crushed one day?

I used to be that girl. That girl who so much believed in the prince that will come to sweep me off my feet. That girl who so much believed that there is always something good inside everyone. That girl who so much believed in that shooting star that made wishes come true.

The star which I thought brightened my every day became a supernova. A week ago, I had learned a shocking revelation. Something SO explosive, Nagasaki and Hiroshima bombing can't compare. The person who I shared my deepest, darkest secrets with, the person who I shared my life's dreams with, the person who I thought will grow old with me, turned out to be a BIG fake -- literally and figuratively.

The supernova eventually became a black hole. He/She/It eventually sucked all the energy from me; with all his/her/its threats, hacking expertise, irritating calls in the middle of the night and early in the morning. On the first night, I immediately had a 38.6C fever! Then on the next day, I had some psychosomatic stress disorder. I kept having the feeling of wanting to vomit, I can feel my gastric juices gurgling in my stomach, no food was tempting enough to make me salivate. I felt weak and helpless; like a little child lost in a big city. I wanted to breakdown. I needed to breakdown. But I was at school, where everyone can see me. Where not everyone can understand. Where some think that this is just a petty problem. I needed a sanctuary. I needed a place where I could cry until I can no longer produce anymore tears. I've always thought that I wasn't a damsel-in-distress; that I was strong, unbreakable, invincible; that I never needed any saving; that I can take care of everything on my own. But I was wrong. I am the damsel who is in a lot of distress right now. I didn't feel strong or unbreakable, let alone feel invincible. I can't take care of all this on my own. This time, I needed to be saved. I needed someone to understand. I needed someone to be with me, hug me and tell me that it's all gonna be okay. Someone to tell me that they'll rip him/her/it apart. Someone to tell me that I'm never gonna be alone, that I always have someone with me.

To that someone who never got tired of listening to my rants; to that someone who immediately helped me fix my accounts; to that someone who ditched review class to be with me; to that someone who stays up late to be with me and make me feel better; to that someone who shared tears and laughs with me: THANK YOU. I have found an irreplaceable sister in you.

I am now in a path where it's dark and scary; where there is a twisted mind lurking somewhere. I don't know what's ahead of me. But I'll try my hardest to fight back. I'll try. So please, help me.