Dear You,
You know how they say that life is full of surprises? Well, you were a surprise. You were unexpected. And who knew that someone as unexpected as you would make me happier than I originally planned?
I still remember how it all happened. From everyone else's perspective, I guess it was just like any other encounter. Because no one else seemed to notice how everything else around us suddenly stopped and fell silent. It was as if time stood still, and somehow, it held me captive. I sat there, frozen and scared to move, thinking that even just a twitch from me might drive you away. Then, you turned to me and said 'Hi'. And I suddenly felt like a melting butter sliding down hot toast.
Yes. I've said it over and over again. I have never believed in love at first sight. And I still don't. What I've felt for you at that moment wasn't love. It's the same kind of feeling you get when you see a massive lightning spread across the purple sky. Or the feeling you get when you successfully climb a mountain and see the amazing view from the top. Or that feeling when you look up to the night sky and see the majestic expanse of stars. It's that amazing, indescribable feeling. A feeling that totally blows you away. A feeling so powerful it's paralyzing and exhilarating, both at the same time. It's AWE.
Looking back, I feel so stupid about the way I acted around you. I realized that in all those times that we were together, I have never looked at you straight in the eye, not even while we were talking. I don't know if you've noticed that I was holding my breath every time you talked to me because your every word stuns me. That I always look down whenever you smile because I feel all my blood rushing to my cheeks. That I suddenly became camera shy because your mere presence makes me feel so awkward. I guess I was overcome by this fear that I might stutter, or totally get paralyzed, or I might just make a bigger mess of myself.
Sometimes I feel pathetic for paying attention to the smallest details; like the way you laughed when I said something funny. Or like the way you tell these cute little stories. Or like the way you talk to me. Just basically the smallest details of how you do things to me, with me, and I'm really hoping, for me.
But I really can't help it. God knows how many times I've tried to stop. Actually, right from the start, I've asked Him to take these feelings away if they're not meant to be here. Cheesy, yes, but true. Ever since the time that I've met you, I already have been praying for you. And I'm about to write some things that are either creepy or flattering. How you take them is all up to you, but I'm really hoping for it to be the latter.
I have been praying to dadiGod for you to be the one. I know it's creepy. It's weird to want to spend the rest of my life with you when I barely know you. It took me a long time to write this part of the letter because I have been looking for the right words to explain how I feel, to defend myself, to look for some logical explanation on why I feel this way. But sometimes, there are some things in this world that are just out of our grasp to decipher. And I think, this is one of those things.
Right now, I don't have any idea how to continue with this letter. I've been rewriting this letter for so many times already because I don't want you to realize that I'm writing about you. Maybe it's because I don't want you to freak out. Or maybe because I'm scared that you'd reject me. But mostly, it's because I've promised to myself that I won't make any move. I've promised that I won't do anything for you to know that I like you
Don't tell me that I don't like you enough, because I do. In fact, I like you a lot. Perhaps way too much that you've been in my every thought. And it's scary, you know. The very thought of me liking you despite knowing very little about you is scary. And it's getting scarier every time I realize that I'm falling deeper than where I was.
So I guess I'm writing this letter not for you, but for myself. Maybe this serves me with some sort of therapeutic purpose. My emotions have grown too strong for me to hold in any longer. I need to tell you how I feel, even in a pretend-letter-kind-of-way. Maybe the time will come when I can finally read this to you personally, but until then, I will have to settle with writing you letters from afar.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not a coward. I could tell you how I feel, personally or through technology. Because I have done that before. It wouldn't be easy, with my heart fluttering all the time, but it's doable. However, I choose not to. Because I want this to be different. Because this is different. This isn't some petty teenager crush that could go *poof!* gone in just a couple of weeks or so. Because if it was, I wouldn't be writing this letter anymore.
However, I'm not at all selfish. Even if I have been praying for you to be the one, I ain't pushing it. I still want dadiGod's will to be done, because His way is The Way. Yes, I'm hoping for you to be the one. Because I don't want this to be just another bump in the road. I want this, you, to be the destination. But if He has better plans, as He always does, I accept it. And with it, I pray, that if I ain't the one for you, I'm hoping for you to have someone better. Because I like you that much.
If you are reading this right now, don't freak out. I'm not forcing you to like me. Neither do I want you to like me just because I like you. What I want is for you to like me because of who I am, and more for who I am not. And if you can't do that, you'd always have that right to remain silent.
Praying, Hoping, Waiting,
Me.♥
